One thing I've noticed over the last few days is my enthusiasm waning for this prayer style. I'm not entirely sure why that is.
It's a weird thing really. When I actually do it, I'm enthralled (mostly). But the last few days I'm finding that I'm rushing into it. It doesn't seem to provide the awareness or reverence the First Way did in isolation.
One reason for this could be that I seem to become more aware of my own faults. Overall this is a good thing but it is rather depressing. It's like I haven't made any progress at all.
I've heard that new converts go through the same thing. First they start off on fire for God. Then they begin to feel like the worst person on earth. But that's just an awakening to the realization that we have so far to go.
I feel like I'm starting over to some degree, even if I have seen progress in my life over the years spiritually. I still feel like I'm beginning again.
Which I suppose is a good thing. But I do find it disheartening that this cycle seems to play out over and over again. Just when I feel like I'm turning the corner in my life of Faith the next revelation that I'm still a jerk comes to light. Hopefully I'm less of a jerk.
I don't want to leave anyone with the impression that I'm down on this. I'm not. But it is clear that the "honeymoon" portion of this project is over (far quicker than I'd hoped) and the "work" phase now beings. I'm experienced to know that such is progress in faith. But I'm still going to grouse about it.
Anyway, tonight is the last day for the Second Way, and tomorrow night I begin the Third Way. I'll have a recap tomorrow hopefully about what I've learned while praying the Second Way.
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