Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Dominican Prayer Day 5

More of less of the same.  I'm realizing though that I should not jump right into the First Way after video games or some other electronic activity (like watching the snoozer of a NCAA football championship last night.  Yeesh.)

One thing that has happened though is that I've become more aware of how dependent I am on God to get out of my sinful habits.  I was aware of this to some degree already.  But perhaps meditating on the state of my soul in relation to Christ has helped to see not only contrast, but clarity.

As I thought about how frustrating it is to keep falling into the same traps, my sorrow increased as the horror of sin began to creep on my mind.  I hated the sins I done.  I hated the fact that I can't seem to stop myself at times.  I've begun to understand the despair of the saints with regard to their sins, trivial as they may be to our eyes.

There was hope in it as well.  After my horror I found that my mind was meditating on the phrase: "Either you will stop praying or you will stop sinning."  My hope began to increase in that I am a work in progress.  And that work is God's, not mine.

Now mind you these were not strong emotions or thoughts.  I was not in agony or ecstasy.  These things were small thoughts on my mind and heart.  But what is different is that they are new in a way.  Things I thought I'd always known, yet fresh.


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