So another combination as the last combo because it is more of the same. I have tried to find ways to "help" meditation, such as lying on the floor for contemplating death. This has produced mixed results. But overall I feel like I'm actually praying during the first two ways (I do all three during prayer), only to lose my way and get frustrated with myself during this one.
I'll need to experiment some more. The contemplation of one's death accompanied by some sort of self-mortification is not an accident. And the fasting that the book recommends is too disconnected to me to suffice for that self-mortification.
I've honestly been frustrated, and this frustration seems to affect the other ways as well. I find myself rushing through the first two to try the third again, which cheapens the whole thing.
Tonight I'm going to try the Third Way in isolation. To really attempt to do it right. Otherwise I will have to find some small self mortification way or give up this way entirely. I feel like it can offer real benefits but contemplation alone is not my strong suit. And without something for my body to do I see this as doomed to failure.
Now don't assume I'm down on the project. I'm not. This is the first real obstacle I've encountered. And as it is my personality to obsess over a problem until it is solved, this kink in the works has my full attention. But overall my prayer life has improved dramatically, and in small pieces my life and discipline are improving. The fruits are already apparent.
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