So after a hiatus I have returned to this project of the Nine Ways. Apparently even after my mini-breakthrough the frustration of the Third Way has sapped my will to continue.
It doesn't help that the Fourth Way is long. The first three ways can be done in about 15 minutes or so. It takes that much time to do the Fourth Way.
I do like the way though. During the genuflections I feel like I can concentrate somewhat on the individual stations. My mind is more focused (a relative term here, be gentle) as I do the stations.
It also helps to start with the First Way to prepare the mind. The book mentions that St. Dominic would use the First Way as a preparation for the other ways. I now do the same.
All in all this promises to be a good start again despite the delay. Even the smallest time used makes it easier to pray and stay peaceful. I’ll confess I've had some difficulty with that.
Stay tuned.
Showing posts with label Nine Ways of St. Dominic. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Nine Ways of St. Dominic. Show all posts
Monday, February 11, 2013
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
Dominican Prayer Day 22
Bet you were wondering if I forgot this. But fear not! I have simply been lazy and have not started the Fourth Way until last night.
Long story short, the Fourth Way is LONG. Especially when you do the exercises in the book. The Way involves contemplating the Crucifixion of Christ while genuflecting in front of a crucifix or an icon.
The book walks us through the Way by, among other things, going through each station and reciting an Our Father/Hail Mary/Glory Be as well as a prayer before and after each station. Quite substantial from the other Ways which can be breezed through if not careful.
The mechanics occupied much of my time so there wasn't a lot of time for reflection. But what was interesting is that at some of the stations I was able to meditate on them. Can't remember the last time I was able to do that.
Also an issue was the fact that I had a workout earlier in the day and was quite sore from it. The genuflecting allowed me to participate in the suffering of Christ in a small way. But don't tell my legs that. They weren't happy with the extra lunges.
All in all a promising start. Though it is time consuming. I will have to be more disciplined in leaving enough time so I'm not looking at the clock or wondering how much sleep I'm losing.
The good news is that Ash Wednesday is coming around soon. As video games are a massive time sink and will disappear (with one exception being the Terraria playthrough) I will have more time to....I have no idea. I'm terrified.
We shall see.
Long story short, the Fourth Way is LONG. Especially when you do the exercises in the book. The Way involves contemplating the Crucifixion of Christ while genuflecting in front of a crucifix or an icon.
The book walks us through the Way by, among other things, going through each station and reciting an Our Father/Hail Mary/Glory Be as well as a prayer before and after each station. Quite substantial from the other Ways which can be breezed through if not careful.
The mechanics occupied much of my time so there wasn't a lot of time for reflection. But what was interesting is that at some of the stations I was able to meditate on them. Can't remember the last time I was able to do that.
Also an issue was the fact that I had a workout earlier in the day and was quite sore from it. The genuflecting allowed me to participate in the suffering of Christ in a small way. But don't tell my legs that. They weren't happy with the extra lunges.
All in all a promising start. Though it is time consuming. I will have to be more disciplined in leaving enough time so I'm not looking at the clock or wondering how much sleep I'm losing.
The good news is that Ash Wednesday is coming around soon. As video games are a massive time sink and will disappear (with one exception being the Terraria playthrough) I will have more time to....I have no idea. I'm terrified.
We shall see.
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
In case you missed it
and you would because I'm an idiot and forgot to post it, here is my contribution for Ignitum Today last week.
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Dominican Prayer Day 20 and 21
Busy with work to some degree but last night I had a mini-epiphany. Since Ignitum Today Thursday is coming up tomorrow I will defer though as I'm going to write about it there. So sorry for the delay but stayed tuned.
Monday, January 28, 2013
Dominican Prayer Day 18 and Day 19
So another combination as the last combo because it is more of the same. I have tried to find ways to "help" meditation, such as lying on the floor for contemplating death. This has produced mixed results. But overall I feel like I'm actually praying during the first two ways (I do all three during prayer), only to lose my way and get frustrated with myself during this one.
I'll need to experiment some more. The contemplation of one's death accompanied by some sort of self-mortification is not an accident. And the fasting that the book recommends is too disconnected to me to suffice for that self-mortification.
I've honestly been frustrated, and this frustration seems to affect the other ways as well. I find myself rushing through the first two to try the third again, which cheapens the whole thing.
Tonight I'm going to try the Third Way in isolation. To really attempt to do it right. Otherwise I will have to find some small self mortification way or give up this way entirely. I feel like it can offer real benefits but contemplation alone is not my strong suit. And without something for my body to do I see this as doomed to failure.
Now don't assume I'm down on the project. I'm not. This is the first real obstacle I've encountered. And as it is my personality to obsess over a problem until it is solved, this kink in the works has my full attention. But overall my prayer life has improved dramatically, and in small pieces my life and discipline are improving. The fruits are already apparent.
I'll need to experiment some more. The contemplation of one's death accompanied by some sort of self-mortification is not an accident. And the fasting that the book recommends is too disconnected to me to suffice for that self-mortification.
I've honestly been frustrated, and this frustration seems to affect the other ways as well. I find myself rushing through the first two to try the third again, which cheapens the whole thing.
Tonight I'm going to try the Third Way in isolation. To really attempt to do it right. Otherwise I will have to find some small self mortification way or give up this way entirely. I feel like it can offer real benefits but contemplation alone is not my strong suit. And without something for my body to do I see this as doomed to failure.
Now don't assume I'm down on the project. I'm not. This is the first real obstacle I've encountered. And as it is my personality to obsess over a problem until it is solved, this kink in the works has my full attention. But overall my prayer life has improved dramatically, and in small pieces my life and discipline are improving. The fruits are already apparent.
Dominican Prayer Day 16 and 17
So I'm combining these two days because I experienced the same thing both days. That and I'm lazy and did not post about Thursday night on Friday.
I've really struggled with the Third Way. Or at least the books recommendation. At first I thought it was simply because it wasn't tough enough like the mortification that St. Dominic did during the Way.
But now I realize that there really is something more to my struggles. I've come to realize that the reason why that I've struggled with this wWay is because of the book’s recommend Way to do it. Basically the book’s version is purely contemplation.
This is problematic for me. The first two ways involve the body in a very real way. The bowing in the First Way and the prostration in the Second Way get the body involved. With those two ways I feel I am involved in mind, body and spirit.
Contemplation has always been difficult for me. It is quite ironic that I am in charge of my social groups’ Rosary. I'm terrible at meditation. If I can concentrate for five seconds that is a major victory.
I'm going to have to find a way to deal with this. I need to find some way to involve my body in this Way or else this will fall on my “optional” to-do list. Where all tasks go to die.
I've really struggled with the Third Way. Or at least the books recommendation. At first I thought it was simply because it wasn't tough enough like the mortification that St. Dominic did during the Way.
But now I realize that there really is something more to my struggles. I've come to realize that the reason why that I've struggled with this wWay is because of the book’s recommend Way to do it. Basically the book’s version is purely contemplation.
This is problematic for me. The first two ways involve the body in a very real way. The bowing in the First Way and the prostration in the Second Way get the body involved. With those two ways I feel I am involved in mind, body and spirit.
Contemplation has always been difficult for me. It is quite ironic that I am in charge of my social groups’ Rosary. I'm terrible at meditation. If I can concentrate for five seconds that is a major victory.
I'm going to have to find a way to deal with this. I need to find some way to involve my body in this Way or else this will fall on my “optional” to-do list. Where all tasks go to die.
Thursday, January 24, 2013
Dominican Prayer Day 15
Finally I get back on track with this experiment. For the record I did not mean to skip any days. But there has been some difficulty in attempting this next method of prayer.
Recall in my last entry that fasting is involved in the Third Way. That is somewhat true. At least that is what the book recommends. St. Dominic would beat himself with a chain in the Third Way while meditating on his death. The book assumes that moderns are doughy and soft and therefore our skin starts to bleed at the thought of self-mortification. And so recommends fasting.
Unfortunately my mind would not cooperate and I kept forgetting to fast this week. A good day of light intake of food ended in a reckless and gluttonous consumption for dinner. Or breakfast would be light only to have a smashingly huge lunch. Time and again I would forget that I was attempting to fast.
So finally decided last night to do the prayer anyway. I was kinda hungry, so I figured that it counted.
Anyway, the main point of the Third Way is to meditate on the fact that we are going to die. Far from being morbid however it is actually an attempt to get one to focus on preparing one's soul in this life. The book offers several questions like
"Imagine yourself on your deathbed."
"Who is with you?"
"What are they saying?"
Some interesting thoughts about that. My other research says that the mortification was the main means of the Third Way. But this should only be done under the direction of a spiritual director or confessor due to concerns of the sin of pride.
I have mixed feelings about this. One the one hand, the book has so far not deviated from what other research I've found on the subject. This is the first time that we have taken a real sharp turn.
On the other, I know all too well that mortification of the flesh without guidance is quite dangerous both physically and spiritually. So if I can't even remember to fast I'm pretty sure I shouldn't be whipping myself until I get better control over my senses.
Enough meta. I'll post my thoughts about the actual way I'm practicing next time.
Recall in my last entry that fasting is involved in the Third Way. That is somewhat true. At least that is what the book recommends. St. Dominic would beat himself with a chain in the Third Way while meditating on his death. The book assumes that moderns are doughy and soft and therefore our skin starts to bleed at the thought of self-mortification. And so recommends fasting.
Unfortunately my mind would not cooperate and I kept forgetting to fast this week. A good day of light intake of food ended in a reckless and gluttonous consumption for dinner. Or breakfast would be light only to have a smashingly huge lunch. Time and again I would forget that I was attempting to fast.
So finally decided last night to do the prayer anyway. I was kinda hungry, so I figured that it counted.
Anyway, the main point of the Third Way is to meditate on the fact that we are going to die. Far from being morbid however it is actually an attempt to get one to focus on preparing one's soul in this life. The book offers several questions like
"Imagine yourself on your deathbed."
"Who is with you?"
"What are they saying?"
Some interesting thoughts about that. My other research says that the mortification was the main means of the Third Way. But this should only be done under the direction of a spiritual director or confessor due to concerns of the sin of pride.
I have mixed feelings about this. One the one hand, the book has so far not deviated from what other research I've found on the subject. This is the first time that we have taken a real sharp turn.
On the other, I know all too well that mortification of the flesh without guidance is quite dangerous both physically and spiritually. So if I can't even remember to fast I'm pretty sure I shouldn't be whipping myself until I get better control over my senses.
Enough meta. I'll post my thoughts about the actual way I'm practicing next time.
Friday, January 18, 2013
Dominican Prayer Day 14
So we come to a close on the Second Way. By far it was one of the more interesting experiences I've had with prayer. Attempting to reconcile the reality of my sinfulness without lurching into scrupulosity has been challenging to some degree.
Perhaps the best thing however is the motions of the prayer types. The bowing during the First Way. The prostration on the floor for the Second Way. I feel like this kind of prayer is more my speed. I've always been a doer rather than a meditat---er (I don't know).
One good thing I didn't expect was to pick up writing fiction again. I'm into the second novella and aside from missing two days I'm on a good pace. Look forward to finishing the trilogy this year hopefully.
I'm also a little more disciplined. But I have been falling away from it after the initial enthusiasm.
I peeked ahead last night to the Third Way. One of the things they recommend is to fast on the day doing it. Since I forgot today and had quite a big meal, I will probably wait on starting the Third Way and related post until Monday.
So in the meantime have a great long weekend if you got it.
Perhaps the best thing however is the motions of the prayer types. The bowing during the First Way. The prostration on the floor for the Second Way. I feel like this kind of prayer is more my speed. I've always been a doer rather than a meditat---er (I don't know).
One good thing I didn't expect was to pick up writing fiction again. I'm into the second novella and aside from missing two days I'm on a good pace. Look forward to finishing the trilogy this year hopefully.
I'm also a little more disciplined. But I have been falling away from it after the initial enthusiasm.
I peeked ahead last night to the Third Way. One of the things they recommend is to fast on the day doing it. Since I forgot today and had quite a big meal, I will probably wait on starting the Third Way and related post until Monday.
So in the meantime have a great long weekend if you got it.
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Dominican Prayer Day 13
One thing I've noticed over the last few days is my enthusiasm waning for this prayer style. I'm not entirely sure why that is.
It's a weird thing really. When I actually do it, I'm enthralled (mostly). But the last few days I'm finding that I'm rushing into it. It doesn't seem to provide the awareness or reverence the First Way did in isolation.
One reason for this could be that I seem to become more aware of my own faults. Overall this is a good thing but it is rather depressing. It's like I haven't made any progress at all.
I've heard that new converts go through the same thing. First they start off on fire for God. Then they begin to feel like the worst person on earth. But that's just an awakening to the realization that we have so far to go.
I feel like I'm starting over to some degree, even if I have seen progress in my life over the years spiritually. I still feel like I'm beginning again.
Which I suppose is a good thing. But I do find it disheartening that this cycle seems to play out over and over again. Just when I feel like I'm turning the corner in my life of Faith the next revelation that I'm still a jerk comes to light. Hopefully I'm less of a jerk.
I don't want to leave anyone with the impression that I'm down on this. I'm not. But it is clear that the "honeymoon" portion of this project is over (far quicker than I'd hoped) and the "work" phase now beings. I'm experienced to know that such is progress in faith. But I'm still going to grouse about it.
Anyway, tonight is the last day for the Second Way, and tomorrow night I begin the Third Way. I'll have a recap tomorrow hopefully about what I've learned while praying the Second Way.
It's a weird thing really. When I actually do it, I'm enthralled (mostly). But the last few days I'm finding that I'm rushing into it. It doesn't seem to provide the awareness or reverence the First Way did in isolation.
One reason for this could be that I seem to become more aware of my own faults. Overall this is a good thing but it is rather depressing. It's like I haven't made any progress at all.
I've heard that new converts go through the same thing. First they start off on fire for God. Then they begin to feel like the worst person on earth. But that's just an awakening to the realization that we have so far to go.
I feel like I'm starting over to some degree, even if I have seen progress in my life over the years spiritually. I still feel like I'm beginning again.
Which I suppose is a good thing. But I do find it disheartening that this cycle seems to play out over and over again. Just when I feel like I'm turning the corner in my life of Faith the next revelation that I'm still a jerk comes to light. Hopefully I'm less of a jerk.
I don't want to leave anyone with the impression that I'm down on this. I'm not. But it is clear that the "honeymoon" portion of this project is over (far quicker than I'd hoped) and the "work" phase now beings. I'm experienced to know that such is progress in faith. But I'm still going to grouse about it.
Anyway, tonight is the last day for the Second Way, and tomorrow night I begin the Third Way. I'll have a recap tomorrow hopefully about what I've learned while praying the Second Way.
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
Dominican Prayer Day 12
Honestly I had trouble concentrating last night so prayer was a bit of a wash. Let's be honest. Not every night is going to be filled with insight. More tomorrow!
Monday, January 14, 2013
Dominican Prayer Day 11
I'll confess I've had some anxiety over the last two days. Not during the Second Way, but after.
As I mentioned last time I have a susceptibility toward scruples. And for a long time have had to train my mind to avoid such. This in turn I have felt has led to some growth in some areas but not in others.
So now I am attempting to incorporate how unworthy I am to receive Christ back into my psyche. To really embrace it and at the same time to integrate that with the knowledge that God loves all of us. God loves me. And ultimately my salvation is up to Him. I simply have to say yes.
This realization is hard for me to internalize. I understand it intellectually. But internally I still rely on my own power to correct my behavior. It's all about the control, yo! Also there is my usual "If I'm not stressing about it I don't care enough!!" mentality.
I know ultimately the devil tries to cause us to despair. He uses the truth that we are fallen to cause us to doubt God. Thus my anxiousness is a result of his attacks on me. Trying to cause me to fall back into the depression that I once suffered from.
This time is different however. I feel God's presence more and more. Little by little I have found my awareness increase. My decisions are slightly different. I find myself a little more disciplined every day. Hope continues to me more justified rather than just blind.
Here's hoping for victory.
As I mentioned last time I have a susceptibility toward scruples. And for a long time have had to train my mind to avoid such. This in turn I have felt has led to some growth in some areas but not in others.
So now I am attempting to incorporate how unworthy I am to receive Christ back into my psyche. To really embrace it and at the same time to integrate that with the knowledge that God loves all of us. God loves me. And ultimately my salvation is up to Him. I simply have to say yes.
This realization is hard for me to internalize. I understand it intellectually. But internally I still rely on my own power to correct my behavior. It's all about the control, yo! Also there is my usual "If I'm not stressing about it I don't care enough!!" mentality.
I know ultimately the devil tries to cause us to despair. He uses the truth that we are fallen to cause us to doubt God. Thus my anxiousness is a result of his attacks on me. Trying to cause me to fall back into the depression that I once suffered from.
This time is different however. I feel God's presence more and more. Little by little I have found my awareness increase. My decisions are slightly different. I find myself a little more disciplined every day. Hope continues to me more justified rather than just blind.
Here's hoping for victory.
Dominican Prayer Day 10
With another day passing I find myself pondering some new things that seem to have come into my life. I'm pretty sure that it is a result of these prayers. While I am hopeful I am also concerned.
First the concern. I am susceptible to scruples. My sins, bad as they are, would lead to more guilt than was healthy. And in turn this would lead to stress. Which led to more sin. At one point a poor priest had to break me out of the sin/confession cycle by banning me from Reconciliation for a month. This turned out to be the best advice I could have gotten at the time given my circumstances.
Keep that in mind when I say I have become more aware of my sins. One the one hand, it is a blessing to see how far I have to go. On the other hand, this awareness can turn into a preoccupation/obsession very quickly.
Having said this I truly am finding a growing awareness of not only where I can improve, but also places in my life where my discipline is improving. I'm more aware of the clock when I should go to bed, and acting on that rather than ignoring it. I've done some small cleaning in our apartment. Tiny changes but noticeable.
I'm also finding that I am more aware of God’s presence outside of prayer and Mass. Usually in tiny moments but my mind seems to be more reflective and aware each day.
Tonight (Sunday) will hopefully be more of the same. Though I have concern that I may get into some bad habits of scruples again. This I will continue to monitor.
First the concern. I am susceptible to scruples. My sins, bad as they are, would lead to more guilt than was healthy. And in turn this would lead to stress. Which led to more sin. At one point a poor priest had to break me out of the sin/confession cycle by banning me from Reconciliation for a month. This turned out to be the best advice I could have gotten at the time given my circumstances.
Keep that in mind when I say I have become more aware of my sins. One the one hand, it is a blessing to see how far I have to go. On the other hand, this awareness can turn into a preoccupation/obsession very quickly.
Having said this I truly am finding a growing awareness of not only where I can improve, but also places in my life where my discipline is improving. I'm more aware of the clock when I should go to bed, and acting on that rather than ignoring it. I've done some small cleaning in our apartment. Tiny changes but noticeable.
I'm also finding that I am more aware of God’s presence outside of prayer and Mass. Usually in tiny moments but my mind seems to be more reflective and aware each day.
Tonight (Sunday) will hopefully be more of the same. Though I have concern that I may get into some bad habits of scruples again. This I will continue to monitor.
Sunday, January 13, 2013
Dominican Prayer Day 9
I sit down to write this before Saturday night’s prayer. Technically this is after the Friday prayer and I'm writing about Friday night. So it's all good. Yup. No “letter of the law against the spirit” going on here.
Anyway, I'm learning that lying on the floor in the dust is a metaphor in many ways. Remember how I said that I would run a vacuum on the floor before I prayed Friday’s prayer. Well that didn't happen. And it won't happen tonight either.
It is true that the sins we commit can be the result of some unresolved issues we have. Sometimes it is a force of habit. But then like the dust on the floor, sometimes we are just lazy.
Yes, I am lazy. There are things I should do that I don't. My prayer life is no exception. Sometimes I try my best and fall short. But sometimes I simply don't try, and these failures are harder to take.
Tomorrow is the Lord’s Day. Hopefully I will find the motivation to work on disciplining the soul. Or at the very least vacuum.
Anyway, I'm learning that lying on the floor in the dust is a metaphor in many ways. Remember how I said that I would run a vacuum on the floor before I prayed Friday’s prayer. Well that didn't happen. And it won't happen tonight either.
It is true that the sins we commit can be the result of some unresolved issues we have. Sometimes it is a force of habit. But then like the dust on the floor, sometimes we are just lazy.
Yes, I am lazy. There are things I should do that I don't. My prayer life is no exception. Sometimes I try my best and fall short. But sometimes I simply don't try, and these failures are harder to take.
Tomorrow is the Lord’s Day. Hopefully I will find the motivation to work on disciplining the soul. Or at the very least vacuum.
Friday, January 11, 2013
Dominican Prayer Day 8
Yay! The Second Way is now a go! Here are some initial thoughts.
First, my floor is really dusty. I know this because I got up close and personal with it when performing the second way. We are called to prostrate ourselves on the ground and express sorrow for our sins.
As with the First Way my focus was far more on the technique than the actual prayer sadly. Trying to read the book while prostrate is difficult. Even more so when your eyes and nostrils are filled with dust and God-knows-what.
Most interesting is the quasi-mantra during the prayer. The Jesus Prayer. Not the one the Evangelicals tell us that is more or less a magical formula for salvation. But the prayer of the Penitent Tax Collector.
(breathe in) Lord Jesus, Son of God
(breathe out) have mercy on me, a sinner.
No spoken words. Just mediation on those phrases and concentrating on breathing.
As before, I did notice a change in my attitude after this prayer. I honestly felt like I prayed. And I prayed in a way that I usually don't. I truly involved my body. It is a very unique experience.
I know that we can offer our work and our daily tasks as prayer. But I never realized until yesterday that rarely do my actions and my prayer intersect. They are often very distinct. And clearly this is a bad thing. How can I expect to live my Faith with such a rift between what I do and what I say?
Tune in tomorrow for the next post. By that time my floor will have been vacuumed.
First, my floor is really dusty. I know this because I got up close and personal with it when performing the second way. We are called to prostrate ourselves on the ground and express sorrow for our sins.
As with the First Way my focus was far more on the technique than the actual prayer sadly. Trying to read the book while prostrate is difficult. Even more so when your eyes and nostrils are filled with dust and God-knows-what.
Most interesting is the quasi-mantra during the prayer. The Jesus Prayer. Not the one the Evangelicals tell us that is more or less a magical formula for salvation. But the prayer of the Penitent Tax Collector.
(breathe in) Lord Jesus, Son of God
(breathe out) have mercy on me, a sinner.
No spoken words. Just mediation on those phrases and concentrating on breathing.
As before, I did notice a change in my attitude after this prayer. I honestly felt like I prayed. And I prayed in a way that I usually don't. I truly involved my body. It is a very unique experience.
I know that we can offer our work and our daily tasks as prayer. But I never realized until yesterday that rarely do my actions and my prayer intersect. They are often very distinct. And clearly this is a bad thing. How can I expect to live my Faith with such a rift between what I do and what I say?
Tune in tomorrow for the next post. By that time my floor will have been vacuumed.
Thursday, January 10, 2013
Dominican Prayer page
The First Way:
Day 1
Day 2
Day 3
Day 4
Day 5
Day 6
Day 7
The Second Way:
Day 8
Day 9
Day 10
Day 11
Day 12
Day 13
Day 14
The Third Way:
Day 15
Day 16 and Day 17
Day 18 and Day 19
Day 20 and Day 21
Ignitum Today post
Day 1
Day 2
Day 3
Day 4
Day 5
Day 6
Day 7
The Second Way:
Day 8
Day 9
Day 10
Day 11
Day 12
Day 13
Day 14
The Third Way:
Day 15
Day 16 and Day 17
Day 18 and Day 19
Day 20 and Day 21
Ignitum Today post
Dominican Prayer Day 7
Last night of the First Way. Quite eager to see what tonight brings with the Second Way. Yay!
Actually I'm a little too eager. Had a lot of trouble focusing on the prayer last night and guilty of "looking ahead" to tonight's prayer. I'm a little concerned that when the "newness" of the prayers recedes I will lose focus.
Having said that it is very clear to me that the First Way is little more than a prep for going into another Way. It's emphasis on approaching the altar in humility is designed to put one in the proper state of mind. It strips away our pride and calls us to contemplate our souls in relation to Christ.
I have seen a marked improvement on my prayer life as a whole. Very small but noticeable. After I perform the way I feel more focused, more relaxed, and I don't feel as rushed as I have before.
Part of this I think is that before this I did not really prepare myself for prayer like I should. It was always a last minute thing right before bed or on the way to work. If I tried to interact with my wife in the same manner I'd be kicked out of the house.
I know part of this new focus comes from my renewed attempt to revive my prayer life. I've been pleased with sticking to it for a week even if a few of these days were a close call. Obviously when I devote enough time to pray I don't feel like I'm rushing through it. Not a stunning breakthrough I know but there it is.
And as you can see there isn't much else to say that I haven't already said. The First Way is very short. When I am in my most focused attempt it still doesn't take five minutes. Clearly the First Way is a preparatory way. And to keep typing would be to belabor that point.
As for me, I am encouraged that this is a good beginning. I hope to continue with this and not lose focus. Also the timing is good as Lent starts Feb. 13. So I should be well into the book right around the time that my video game pledge kicks in. Gotta have something to do right?
Actually I'm a little too eager. Had a lot of trouble focusing on the prayer last night and guilty of "looking ahead" to tonight's prayer. I'm a little concerned that when the "newness" of the prayers recedes I will lose focus.
Having said that it is very clear to me that the First Way is little more than a prep for going into another Way. It's emphasis on approaching the altar in humility is designed to put one in the proper state of mind. It strips away our pride and calls us to contemplate our souls in relation to Christ.
I have seen a marked improvement on my prayer life as a whole. Very small but noticeable. After I perform the way I feel more focused, more relaxed, and I don't feel as rushed as I have before.
Part of this I think is that before this I did not really prepare myself for prayer like I should. It was always a last minute thing right before bed or on the way to work. If I tried to interact with my wife in the same manner I'd be kicked out of the house.
I know part of this new focus comes from my renewed attempt to revive my prayer life. I've been pleased with sticking to it for a week even if a few of these days were a close call. Obviously when I devote enough time to pray I don't feel like I'm rushing through it. Not a stunning breakthrough I know but there it is.
And as you can see there isn't much else to say that I haven't already said. The First Way is very short. When I am in my most focused attempt it still doesn't take five minutes. Clearly the First Way is a preparatory way. And to keep typing would be to belabor that point.
As for me, I am encouraged that this is a good beginning. I hope to continue with this and not lose focus. Also the timing is good as Lent starts Feb. 13. So I should be well into the book right around the time that my video game pledge kicks in. Gotta have something to do right?
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
Dominican Prayer Day 6
Sorry for no real post. Busy with work. But tomorrow night will start the Second Way. Exciting.
I will post a reflection about my first week tomorrow. Bye for now.
I will post a reflection about my first week tomorrow. Bye for now.
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
Dominican Prayer Day 5
More of less of the same. I'm realizing though that I should not jump right into the First Way after video games or some other electronic activity (like watching the snoozer of a NCAA football championship last night. Yeesh.)
One thing that has happened though is that I've become more aware of how dependent I am on God to get out of my sinful habits. I was aware of this to some degree already. But perhaps meditating on the state of my soul in relation to Christ has helped to see not only contrast, but clarity.
As I thought about how frustrating it is to keep falling into the same traps, my sorrow increased as the horror of sin began to creep on my mind. I hated the sins I done. I hated the fact that I can't seem to stop myself at times. I've begun to understand the despair of the saints with regard to their sins, trivial as they may be to our eyes.
There was hope in it as well. After my horror I found that my mind was meditating on the phrase: "Either you will stop praying or you will stop sinning." My hope began to increase in that I am a work in progress. And that work is God's, not mine.
Now mind you these were not strong emotions or thoughts. I was not in agony or ecstasy. These things were small thoughts on my mind and heart. But what is different is that they are new in a way. Things I thought I'd always known, yet fresh.
One thing that has happened though is that I've become more aware of how dependent I am on God to get out of my sinful habits. I was aware of this to some degree already. But perhaps meditating on the state of my soul in relation to Christ has helped to see not only contrast, but clarity.
As I thought about how frustrating it is to keep falling into the same traps, my sorrow increased as the horror of sin began to creep on my mind. I hated the sins I done. I hated the fact that I can't seem to stop myself at times. I've begun to understand the despair of the saints with regard to their sins, trivial as they may be to our eyes.
There was hope in it as well. After my horror I found that my mind was meditating on the phrase: "Either you will stop praying or you will stop sinning." My hope began to increase in that I am a work in progress. And that work is God's, not mine.
Now mind you these were not strong emotions or thoughts. I was not in agony or ecstasy. These things were small thoughts on my mind and heart. But what is different is that they are new in a way. Things I thought I'd always known, yet fresh.
Monday, January 7, 2013
Dominican Prayer Day 4
So I was somewhat rushed with prayer for Sunday, so I felt bad about not being able to devote the time that I should. But given I have no idea how much time I should devote to the first way, I feel a bit better. But then again because I am so obsessed with metrics and because of this I become a little frustrated that I don't seem to be doing better with the First Way.
Confused yet? Well, so am I. I guess my initial frustration comes from that I do not feel satisfied. The feeling of something like "I'm totally getting holy now" or some such. I mean I wasn't expecting some Road to Damascus moment but I do think that my disappointment stems from some expectation not being met.
I will say what is interesting though. After praying with the first way I find that there is some mark on my thoughts. I am more conscious of my prayer and find that my attitude is different. It's very subtle. At first I didn't even notice that it was there until the first night where I said my usual prayers after praying the First Way. More conscious. More reflective. I took my time to pray and found my ability to focus was enhanced in some subtle way.
I take comfort in the fact that this first Way was used for preparation. To me this seems fitting as I feel like when I'm done with the Way I'm ready to really start praying. But since the book tells us to become more familiar with each Way I feel somewhat restricted. But then again I see that could be more pride than anything.
On Thursday I begin the Second Way. Very interested.
Confused yet? Well, so am I. I guess my initial frustration comes from that I do not feel satisfied. The feeling of something like "I'm totally getting holy now" or some such. I mean I wasn't expecting some Road to Damascus moment but I do think that my disappointment stems from some expectation not being met.
I will say what is interesting though. After praying with the first way I find that there is some mark on my thoughts. I am more conscious of my prayer and find that my attitude is different. It's very subtle. At first I didn't even notice that it was there until the first night where I said my usual prayers after praying the First Way. More conscious. More reflective. I took my time to pray and found my ability to focus was enhanced in some subtle way.
I take comfort in the fact that this first Way was used for preparation. To me this seems fitting as I feel like when I'm done with the Way I'm ready to really start praying. But since the book tells us to become more familiar with each Way I feel somewhat restricted. But then again I see that could be more pride than anything.
On Thursday I begin the Second Way. Very interested.
Dominican Prayer Day 3
Just some quick notes from Saturday night:
I'm not sure if I've improved on this first way. Still feel like I'm not sure what I'm doing. I feel my approach may be wrong. Or perhaps I need more physical space.
I see my mind already racing for the next way. I am distracted to some degree. I am impatient. The book says to take at least a week to fully understand and pray each way properly. I'm not sure what one can learn since this first way seems so short but I do what I can.
I'm writing this after Sunday night’s prayer. Still feel the same, but will expand a bit when I write sunday’s after some reflection and a night’s sleep.
I'm not sure if I've improved on this first way. Still feel like I'm not sure what I'm doing. I feel my approach may be wrong. Or perhaps I need more physical space.
I see my mind already racing for the next way. I am distracted to some degree. I am impatient. The book says to take at least a week to fully understand and pray each way properly. I'm not sure what one can learn since this first way seems so short but I do what I can.
I'm writing this after Sunday night’s prayer. Still feel the same, but will expand a bit when I write sunday’s after some reflection and a night’s sleep.
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