So I was somewhat rushed with prayer for Sunday, so I felt bad about not being able to devote the time that I should. But given I have no idea how much time I should devote to the first way, I feel a bit better. But then again because I am so obsessed with metrics and because of this I become a little frustrated that I don't seem to be doing better with the First Way.
Confused yet? Well, so am I. I guess my initial frustration comes from that I do not feel satisfied. The feeling of something like "I'm totally getting holy now" or some such. I mean I wasn't expecting some Road to Damascus moment but I do think that my disappointment stems from some expectation not being met.
I will say what is interesting though. After praying with the first way I find that there is some mark on my thoughts. I am more conscious of my prayer and find that my attitude is different. It's very subtle. At first I didn't even notice that it was there until the first night where I said my usual prayers after praying the First Way. More conscious. More reflective. I took my time to pray and found my ability to focus was enhanced in some subtle way.
I take comfort in the fact that this first Way was used for preparation. To me this seems fitting as I feel like when I'm done with the Way I'm ready to really start praying. But since the book tells us to become more familiar with each Way I feel somewhat restricted. But then again I see that could be more pride than anything.
On Thursday I begin the Second Way. Very interested.